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Re-Emergance

2010-03-29T07:31:00.000-07:00

Well well well.. look whos back.

Yes, I have returned. My goal is to not tell anyone who frequented (very very few people... at least from my understanding) that I am back on here and blogging again.

Anyway, I am actually short on time, so I'll just jump into it...

Life... Life is interesting. Life is definitely not easy. As a matter of fact, it seems to get more difficult after each day that goes by. There's a lot that I still feel like I don't get, but should by now. One big thing is that the struggle of relationships is still ever present in my life. I guess my thing is that I'm still looking for someone that will accept me with the faults that I have. It seems that women are looking for the perfect guy that's got it all. Well, I guess I'm screwed cause' that definitely isn't me. I know what some would say here... "But Trust God!" And I do! And you can gather either by reading past blogs, or if you actually know me, I think into things WAAAY to much. I'm the kind of guy that pretty much needs verbal confirmation to kiss a girl. How lame is that?

Well, this is abrupt.. but I must go. Work summons.

God Bless!

Stop trying to fix me.... it's just who I am!!

2007-08-15T10:54:00.000-07:00

seriously.. I have a hard time blogging regularly, I know! My take on it, is just be happy that you get to read a blog by me every few months!! ok, i'm just joking. but yes it has been a while.

Anyway, on to real things going on in my life. I'm finding more and more that I have a hard time fitting in with any group of people, socially, unless it's a group of people like me. what I mean by that, is that I have SSRD (stands for Slightly Socially Retarded Disorder). I've noticed that alot of people can just bring up some random thing and start talking about it and go on and on and on about it. I have a hard time doing that because it seems the things that I "randomly" bring up are unpopular or no one likes it or just ultimately can't relate to it. I blame this disorder I have on the 6 years of jr. high and high school. In jr. high, I was a big dude, and unpopular, so I didn't have many friends. So, my afternoons were filled with watching The Lion King and in later years (after eventually making some stoner friends) getting high.
I've taken some large "social" steps in recent years, however. But I guess I never looked at my tendancies and wondered why people respond to me in certain ways.
Anyhow, this is just more of a reflection on something I just realized. Ultimatly, God is good, gracious, and kind.

Until next time.. or next fall.....

BE BLESSED!!!!

Serious topic. Seriously! gosh....

2007-05-21T07:47:00.000-07:00

I don't know what the title was all about... but moving on...

So, I'm moving from Spanish Springs into Sparks about 2 or 3 blocks from Kathrine Dunn Elementery this weekend. I'm actually really excited because I'll be living with 4 other guys closer to my age. It'll be interesting though, because well, I'm living with 4 other guys. (please pray for us)

On a different note, work is going great! I love my job and the people I work with are awesome.

I'm really excited for the summer! There's quite alot going on. I actually have 2 vacations planned, and not just "time off" but going to go actually vacation!!! I've never really had a vacation before, so I'm stoked! In July (for the 4th) I'm going up to Seattle with some friends and we get to hang out at a friend's parent's house where they have a boat and I think they said something about jet ski's or wave runners, but I don't remember. We're also going to check out Generation Church while we're up there and that'll be fun. The second trip will be in August and I'll be going to Mexico with a few close friends. I'm VERY excited about that one!!! A friend's parents have a house on the beach there, and we're literally going to go there and just RELAX!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! SO AWESOME!!!!!!!!!!!!! Anyway. That's the low down on the what's up in my life.

Oh, and as far as relationships go, yea there's someone that I like (still) but I'm almost to the point where I'm content where I'm at in life and if anything is to happen, it's because God lets it happen, not because of me making it happen.

Aight, well take care ya'll!

{P}eace

Leave your 'other' comments here...

2007-04-05T10:47:00.001-07:00

Ok, one more thing. If you want to post a comment unrelated to any of the other posts, put it here. I actually would like to get opinions on the topics I post, not "hi, you haven't posted in a while!" Thanks!

Proverbs 31

2007-01-25T18:06:00.000-08:00

*shock*
Drew put up a new post on his blog!!!! yes.. it's true. I'm not good at being consistent with blogging as I'm trying to make my online presense as little as possible. anyway.. moving to what I want to blog....

So, there's this chapter that totally talks about the "perfect" wife. I'm not writing this because I've 'found an new list' to look for in a wife. A few people in my life have recently rocked my world on my views on what to look for in a wife.

I wasn't ready for what I was told. Basically, the idea is not to be looking for traits in a woman before everything else. It's most important to make sure that you're preparing yourself for that wife. In other words, make sure you live a life that deserves to have a wife that is virtuous and capable, speaks words of wisdom, and is clothed with strength and dignity.

My goal is to be a husband that deserves these traits in a wife. It won't be an easy task, but I want to take this challenge on.

Ok.. why am I posting this?
Good question.
Because I have friends (i don't know about lately, cause of how long it's been since I last blogged) who I can trust to help me stay on this path.

No Title

2006-11-08T07:52:00.000-08:00

I just can't believe how blessed I am lately. I'm starting to really look at the things that I can often take for granted and give God thanks for it. Here's a cool verse:

Why am I discouraged? Why is my heart so sad? I will put my hope in God! I will praise him again—my Savior and my God!

Psalm 42:11 NLT

Sometimes when I get down, I look at why, and it seems so small when I compare it to God and the freedom he offers me. There's another verse that says to take delight in Him and he will give you the desires of your heart. And another that says that nothing matters. The only really important thing is that we're living our life serving Him in what we say and do. It might be easy to say and think, but to do...

Worship Unleashed

2006-10-13T11:59:00.000-07:00

I had an amazing experience last night. I went to worship practice last night.

My worship pastor, Kurt said some things that really beat on my heart. It's amazing how easily I can forget the faithfulness that God has to me. How he's always moving in my life. Sometimes I never even realize it, so I don't even give God glory for it. This goes on all the time. One of the points Kurt made was to never, ever, EVER forget the faithfulness of God.

He brought up some examples of other people going through struggles, and God showing up. Some of them in ways that were unexpected.

...to know the love of Christ which passes knowledge;
that you may be filled with all the fullness of God.
Now to Him who is able to do
exceedingly abundantly above all that we ask or think,
according to the power that works in us...

Ephesians 3:19-20

So, after Kurt's talk, we started worship practice. I was not ready for what transpired during practice. We started going through songs, and somethin' Kurt had said stuck in my head. He mentioned about how even though, since this is practice we may stop several times throughout a song, that we can still use this time to offer up worship and praise and not let anything disrupt the flow of our worship. I took it to heart, and when we got to a song called "Take All of Me" I just broke down. I'm usually not one to cry, especially when I'm drumming. But it was the most amazing and beautiful thing I've ever experienced. The whole song (which we never stopped during.. at least, I don't remember stopping) I had my eyes closed, and I could just feel the Spirit moving my hands and just taking over all of me. My heart was connected with God's heart like I've never experienced before in my life.

"I love you, all of my hope is in you. Jesus Christ, take my life, take all of me..."

Extremly powerful words. I pray that every worship experience from now on, results in that kind of connection.

Ready for the journey?

2006-10-09T10:16:00.000-07:00

As we know Jesus better, his divine power gives us everything we need for living a godly life.

2 Peter 1:3, NLT

I look at this verse, and wonder. I wonder, why is it so hard for me to spend time in the Word and in prayer? I know beyond any shadow of a doubt, that it will be nothing but good for me. Yet I still find myself dragging my feet. I know in my head that if I start the day with spending time in the Lord, that my day will be better. But I still drag my feet. I think I already know the answer to why, but I still ask it. I know that I want to start off the day right, but I could always use that extra sleep. Or I just get caught up with everything else that I just don't allow myself to think about it. The devil is tricky with his devices of getting us to overlook things that bring us closer to God, our flesh being one of them.

I'm finding it someone useful to leave myself notes and reminders to pray and think of a verse. I would definatly encourage it. The why is easy. Who wouldn't want to be ready and equipped for the trials that life will give? Think of it this way: If you go on a hike for a few days, or travel long distances, wouldn't you think that you would want to bring water with you? How about a map? Well, God is both. He not only gives nourishment to your soul and spirit, but he guides your feet. In the quest of life, he gives us everything that we could possibly need.

Deep Roots

2006-10-05T10:53:00.000-07:00

Let your roots grow down into him and draw up nourishment from him, so you will grow in faith. Colossians 2:7, NLT

I've found myself recently in a l0t of struggles. Many of which I won't bring up here, but just to say, it's been really tough. I've been finding alot about myself. More proof to how lazy I am and can be. But not only that, when I get depressed or bummed about where I'm at I tend to... freeze. I get stuck. Sometimes I even start thinking "poor me" (which I hate that). All this is more and more proof of how I don't spend enough time learning, reading, praying. Sure, I pray alot (really.. ALOT) more than I used to. But it's still not enough. It's wierd, cause I know that if I have a quiet time, I know that I'll have a good day. But still, I drag my feet. I read this verse this morning and, of course, it's pretty much what I need to do. There's another verse in the bible that says that if we take delight in the Lord, then he will grant the desires of your heart. I guess I haven't been taking delight in Him then. Anyway, my life is that of a learning, struggling, changing and striving person. I know what I need to do, now it's the doing part that needs to be done.

No More Myspace..........for now

2006-09-27T10:21:00.001-07:00

Well, I've signed off of myspace. Maybe, and even, probably not for good. But I just need to take a break. I'm kinda sick of hearing about how people get jazzed about having "x" amount of profile views. Plus, I seemed to put checking my myspace a higher priority than I should have. On top of that, I don't write or get comments from hardly any of the people on my friends list. So, if I do start one up again, i'll probably only put people on there that do respond and write back. Anyway.. so, there you have it. Maybe in a week or so I'll be getting a new one.. but it'll be limited to family and friends who I don't often talk to much in person, or don't live in state.

So if your waiting for love...

2006-09-20T15:54:00.000-07:00

Sunny days keepin' the clouds away

I think we're coming to a clearing and a brighter day



So far away.  Still I think they say

The wait will make the heart grow stronger or fonder

I can't quite remember anyway



So if you're waitin' for love

Well it's a promise I'll keep

If you don't mind believing that it changes everything

Then time will never matter

lyrics from sunny days by jars of clay

Why can't I regularly post??

2006-08-14T23:03:00.000-07:00

I don't know what it is, but I just can't seem blog regularly. I do like blogging because it's kindof a way to write to myself (and other's who happen to stop by) and kindof journal things going on. I guess the latest thing, is that I'm still jobless, on the prowl looking for a decent job. it's getting rather stressful. anyway.. i should get to bed. blessings to all who read this, and i would much appreciate any prayer.. thanks!

Panclocks

2006-07-12T20:34:00.000-07:00

Don't pay any attention to the title. It was shear randomness. anyway.. I must say that things have been great since the departure of Kinkos. Not to say that life is easier or anything, but I finally feel like I can go somewhere in life. I feel like I just let myself get sucked into this comfort zone working there, so I didn't really aspire to be more. I know I still have alot to work on, but I feel motivated now. I still think that the people that work there (some of them at least) are great people, and I've learned alot from them. I think that even though the reason for my departure was solely my fault, it's going to open up great oppurtunities. Anyway, if you read this and have a prayer life, please pray for me that I might find God's guidance and start to really make wise decisions. Thanks!

Hi Blog!

2006-06-01T00:35:00.000-07:00

Wow... I haven't updated this in a looooooong time! Well, not much i'm going to write now as it's 12:30am. Just wondering if anyone still stops by to see what I'm up to... anyone there? yes. woah.. who's there? you're thoughts. oh... ok! well, at least i'm not by myself... g'night! 'night.

It Works!

2006-04-25T10:09:00.000-07:00

Do you ever feel sometimes that no one is listening when you pray? I think in most cases (or at least in a few of my cases) it's because I'm praying either ineffectively, or without the right motive or goal in mind. In the worship team at my church, we've been learning a lot about prayer. Prayer is a pretty simple concept, but it's easy to let it get complicated. I continually find out, though, that praying for brokenness, and to be stretched, and for patience, get answered very quickly. A lot of things have hit the fan recently, shortly following a prayer that I prayed. It's funny how God responds to those really fast. I think it's because He knows we want to be changed. And I think if we realize what it would take to be changed, that it means that there will be some serious trials. But you have to look at it from God's point of view: trials build character and reflects being faithful to God. Even when the sun isn't shining.

Do you really know love?

2006-04-13T10:05:00.000-07:00

I hope you all are aware of what time of the year it is. I'm not talking about being with family and eating together. I'm talking about the time of the year where we need to be really thinking even more than the rest of the year about the greatest sacrifice and most meaningful death that creation has ever experienced. The only death in all of history to offer up the greatest gift that only one has the power to give. A single, perfect and blameless life handed over for the rest of the world's lives. A gift that is not only free to those who want it, but a gift that came at the highest price. I want to encourage all of you who read this, that while I hope you do enjoy your time with family and loved ones, that you also put a considerable amount of thought in the one reason why we are all here to begin with. The Ultimate Sacrifice. The greatest gift. The deepest love.

"For God so loved the world, that He gave his one and only son, that whoever believes in Him will NOT persish, but have eternal life."

John 3:16

I think, as this verse is probably one of the most commonly known verses in the bible, that it is also the most looked over. I urge you to take time and meditate on it. Pray. What kind of love offers a life as a sacrifice? Not just any kind. The kind that brings us to the Most High. That grants us holiness in the sight of the creator. Gives us hope of being with the One who loves us more than anything. Remember that as you go through the year. Don't let Easter be the only season of the year that you remember and reflect on what Jesus Christ did for all of us on the cross. Go in Christ, and reflect the love of Christ to the world!

Worship

2006-04-04T10:24:00.000-07:00

I must say.. I experienced one of the most amazing times in worship at The Gathering this weekend. It was such a blessing to be able to take part of leading such an amazing time. If you were there, then you knew without a doubt that the spirit was totally moving in that place. I really thing God is starting something alot bigger than was originally thought by anyone. It makes me really excited to see what is to come with The Gathering. Anyway.. if you're reading this and haven't come to The Gathering, you might think about checking it out.. every week keeps getting better than the week before, and I don't expect that to change. God is definatly moving!

Lost in Translation

2006-03-28T10:49:00.000-08:00

Ok, this has nothing to do with the movie, just so you know. I haven't even seen it.

I actually had a question that I wanted to ask. I was wondering what translation is most preferred by you? What reasons do you read the translation you read? If you read multiple translations, which one do you read most often and why? And also, if you read multiple translations, why do you prefer those over other translations? And lastly, which translation do you prefer for an easy read and which one for translation accuracy? Thanks for your opinion!

Everyone's Irish on Saint Patty's day!

2006-03-23T10:49:00.000-08:00

Ok.. so I saw this movie for the first time the other night, and I must say, it was an awesome film! I really enjoyed the cinematography of the film. A unique way of telling a story. A friend of mine said it right on when he explained that every guy would love this movie. If you're a guy, and don't like this movie.. well... you're wierd. Anyway, if you haven't seen this movie "Boondock Saints" yet, go to the store, buy some popcorn or ice cream, rent (better yet, BUY) Boondock Saints, and find someone who has a big TV and good audio and ENJOY!

Not-So Beautiful Letdown

2006-03-21T10:20:00.000-08:00

Okay.. So, to keep this short, I let a friend down this weekend. To save you from a page of details, just know that I made a bad call and it ended with me putting doubt of my abilities at work into a friend (who's also my boss). I know he has less trust in me now because of it. Just goes to show you that I can make stupid decisions.. I'm not writing this to get pity or anything like that from anyone who decides to read this. I'm writing this to give evidence to the fact that even the striving Christian can still make dumb decisions. I guess it happens to the best of 'em. That's what "sin nature" is, right? It is important though not to succumb to the idea that "God forgives me anyway" and just give in. But on the flip side it's comforting to know that we can come before God after we give up our sin and because of Christ's propitiation on our behalf, God will see us as Holy.

Down with the Sickness

2006-03-16T10:17:00.000-08:00

Is is just me? Or does it really seem like everyone and their brother are sick these days? Not only that, the world seems to be continually rocked with catasrophies and disasters. Alot of people suggest that we're on the brink of the last days. I tend to lean toward that conclusion myself. But instead of focusing on that, I think it's more of a concern that this world not only needs God, but needs prayer. You know how when you pray for patience, God responds with more testing of it? I think the world prays for God to show Himself to the world. But I think the world is praying for Him to show Himself by saving it. When really, he's showing Himself by the "terrible events that shake the world." I think it may be a way that He wants to draw us to Him. Think about it. A nation goes through ruin most likely brings other poeple in other countries closer together to pray for those hurting. I'm 100% positive that everything we're seeing unfold before the world's eyes are happening for God's glory. Now I'm not saying that I like seeing people in pain, or countries being terrorized. But it is pretty cool to think how God can still gain glory from any circumstance. What do you think?

Season of Pain

2006-03-06T10:43:00.000-08:00

I don't know about everyone else. But right now it seems like Satan is on a major offensive. I have had several friends get spiritually attacked and myself as well. A few of my friends (and myself included) had their guards down when this attack came and fell. For me, it's more spiritual than some of my friends. But pain is swelling in their lives. I just want to encourage anyone that reads this to take more time than usual this week in prayer. Satan tries to exploit our weaknesses so that we will fall. He has been successful in some of these attempts, but he can never keep us down. He will ultimately fail at keeping us from our Father! Please encourage those that you know who are going through pain in their life. Open arms of compassion and love to them. We need now more than ever to embrace our brothers and sisters so they know we're not alone! With the way times are now, the world can only get worse and satan's grip only stronger until God comes for His people. We need to make a massive effort to unite in the body of Christ! Prayer is much more powerful than most of us realize. Be well, and God Bless

Also...

2006-02-24T11:22:00.000-08:00

So, I did read back, and I was dumpin' on my store manager. I will admit I was harsh in what I said about her. Sometimes there's no communication (not that it's my job to make sure she's doing her job) to the rest of us about what's going on. It is necessary for the Store Manager to let the team know where she's at because if someone higher (say like a district manager) needs to contact her immediately, then someone knows how to reach her. I did actually have a meeting with her today and was able to get out some fustrations with the store out on the table. She also explained (without me asking about it) what has been going on lately with meetings and such. One thing that I've been dealing with, is that when I left the company for a period of time and came back 3 months later, I didn't have the position I had when I first left. I was in a supervisory position and so knowing things was more important for me than a basic level team member. When I was re-hired, I wasn't hired into the position I left, so I'm no longer currently a supervisor. For the longest time, I've has these fustrations because I was expecting things to be the same as before. So, having that talk with the manager really helped out, because I'm worrying about things I shouldn't. Sooo.. all this to say, is that yea, I messed up. I don't take back the venting that I did, but I do know that alot of what I was venting about, was not something that should have upset me to begin with. So, to whoever reads this. I apologize.

Kinko's Flippin' RULES!

2006-02-24T09:46:00.000-08:00

Ok, maybe the main title is over-exaggerated. Maybe even more-so. But in my defense, I would like to make a clause to my previous post. I want to have a place that I can be uncensored, and post what I feel, when I feel it. What I say may (and probably not at all in some cases) not be right. But when I posted that blog, I was livid. I've calmed down much since then, but that doesn't mean that I regret posting it. Even if someone I work with does stumble upon this blog of mine, this would tell them how I really feel, unlike at work where I have to "fake it till I make it." Which, by the way, I don't have a problem with that. I do think that personal problems should not interfere with work when dealing with customers all day. I do hope that if someone that I work with does read this, if they posted their thoughts or suggestions. But if they don't do that, well.. I guess there's nothing I can do about that. I like the idea of having a place to blast or vent, even if I may be waaay off. I'm not afraid of being told that I'm messed up, because I know I'm not perfect. Besides, the more people that know my weaknesses can (hopefully) say something or make a suggestion that would help me the next time a similar event happens. I'm not perfect, and I don't expect to make anyone think otherwise. I do strive to be like Christ, but I do fall. And Christ is the propitiation for my sin. That doesn't mean I sin thinking "oh, God's gonna forgive me anyway.." But my faith and trust lie in Christ.

Venting

2006-02-21T10:21:00.000-08:00

Warning..

I am warning you that this is a post meant to vent. If you have a problem with that, then divert your attention elsewhere. Thank you.

I'm soo sick of work right now. I'm fine with the people I work with directly, but the Store Manager.. you know, the one who manages the store? Well, when she hardly ever shows up at the store she works at, that's reeeaaaally upsetting. Getting talked down to when I've been working here for more than 2 years as if I was recently hired. It's sooo hard to keep an upbeat attitude about everything. Especially when I do things without being asked, and nothing get's said. It's not that I look for praise, but when I go out of my way to try to make something better, beyond what is requested, there's no recognition. So that, combined with working there for, like i said, more than 2 years, and not getting recongition like so many of the other people that were hired after me got a 1 year gift, 2 year gift, birthdays off. Yea, that's a good one. My manager was standing talking to some of the other co-workers talking about how she thinks you shouldn't work on your birthday.. yea thanks, mine was 3 weeks ago (this happened earlier this month). Anyway.. i'm done venting. Had to get it out.

Worship

2006-02-20T12:12:00.000-08:00

Worship is such a huge part of life. It wasn't untill I started playing on the worship team at Summit (http://www.summitchristianchurch.org) that I realized this. Playing with Steve Denny was always fun, but due to being involved in many many aspects of Summit, he couldn't really devote a whole lot of time to one aspect (i.e. worship). Don't get me wrong, I'm not in anyway implying anything negative about Steve. He is an awesome man of God and I believe God is going to do great things through him! But having a full time worship pastor (meaning, his focus is on worship only) has been such an awesome experience. Kurt has really taken worship in our church to the next level and it has been blessing my life so much! The big thing is that it's not all about the music. Music is just a channel of how we connect with God. There are many many channels that can be used to connect. Eevery week we get a message from Kurt before we start practice. He not only get's us into the music, but gives us the oppurtunity to get on the level with God before we even start. It's a great experience being a part of it, and it has started a change in my life toward God! So, if you read this, Thanks Kurt!

Ta da!

2006-02-10T15:56:00.000-08:00

Yes yes, haven't posted in forever.. blah blah blah.. ya done?

Ok.

So I'm going to start reading that I just got. It's called God's Plan for the Ages, and it's written by Dr. David R. Reagan. I've recently gotten a little more interested in the end times and what signs of if it there are today. I know there's much argument, but I don't want to be closed minded to the events happening around us. It really does seem like the world is very unsettled these days. That's when it's awesome to see such a movement going on in the church.

My dad mentioned something to me that really made me think. We were talking about prophecies and end time stuff, and he mentioned that it's not possible for the end times to happen yet. Not that it's not close, but right now, it's not possible. He mentioned a verse in the bible (forgive me, I don't remember which one) where it says every nation will have believers, or something like that. Sorry if I'm way off. But the point is, it made me think about missions in the war-torn countries like, Iraq, Afganistan, and the nation of Palestine in general. Who is ministering to them? Who is going to them and showing them the Truth? Ever since he said that, I've had a tug on my heart about that and have started to think: "Am I called to be involved in ministering to them?" First of all, I don't even know what my calling (besides leading worship as a drummer) is.

In a few months I'll be going to Africa for about 3 weeks to a month. I plan on getting involved with missions while I'm down there. It's kindof scary because I've never been on a big missions trip. And now I'm kindof doing it on my own. (in other words, I'm going down there on my own, and looking up other missions down there)

One thing I know is that lately, I've been praying to see the power of prayer. And I think it's one of those things, that once you start praying for it and have the desire, God will overwhelm you with His answer. In the past few months my life has drastically changed. Worship has litterally become the passionate connection to a God that I knew alot about, but didn't really act upon. I find myself overcoming sins and shortcomings that I've had problems with, without hesitation! I find my life moving in a less general direction (good thing) and going toward building a firm foundation of faith. And I praise God for that movement in my life, and in my heart.

God Praise

2006-01-19T07:59:00.000-08:00

How is your God praise? Is is frequent? At least once a day? Many times a day? Because I think that since it says in the bible for almost every situation we should be praising Him, we should be doing that a few hundred times a day. Maybe even in the thousands! I know that I don't praise Him enough. I don't know why I started thinking about this topic either, but I do know that God deserves every bit of praise my lungs can put forth. And not all praise is vocal, true, but it does require action.

	Psalms 34
1.	`I will bless the LORD at all times;` `His praise shall continually be in my mouth.`

Sorry blog.. kinda forgot about you...

2006-01-17T08:08:00.000-08:00

So, I forgot that I even had this blog for a while there. I think it was because I knew in the back of my head that I still had to fix the layout. I liked the whole red with black and the whole "rock" theme. But I like the current complete one I have now. Anyway.. I will be posting here again.

New Blog Layout...

2005-12-02T12:02:00.000-08:00

Okay.. so i findally broke down and did a custom design on my blog. what do you think?

Life

2005-11-28T10:23:00.000-08:00

Life can sure be interesting at times. It can feel like it's going one direction, and then immediatly change directions on you and leave you in the dust. Life feels like an emotional freeway. Going fast, rush hour, the occasional fender bender, then your 15 car pile up. Kinda makes one wish there was another way of getting from here to there. Why is life so sporatic? Why can't it be predictable, like so many people seem to portray it to be? I guess life wouldn't be so enjoyable if you were able to predict it. And as some would say, "with out the bad, the sweet just ain't as sweet." How true that is. Being one that enjoys extremes, in a few ways, I think I can understand that. But still, it's just easy to say the hard times just suck. And I think it's okay to say that, but to continue on with that kind of attitude is pointless. It's easy to just stay in that frame of mind where everything sucks, and life sucks. Oh, and don't forget the attention that you get when someone asks how you're doing, and you get to gloat. I'm sick of when I do that. If I really am doing bad, then I won't be dishonest and say I'm good. But, I try to avoid the whole conversation of why I'm doing bad, and then recieve pity. I hate pity. I don't want anyone to have pity on me, because I have a faith that makes me rich. Like I said, I don't always act like it. It's hard to lean on something that doesn't seem like it's there, but really is there. That's what God is there for. Anyway... enough rambling for now. Back to work...

Ah.. feelings

2005-11-16T11:03:00.000-08:00

Do you ever feel betrayed by your feelings?? It's crazy. I think about feelings that I've had towards a certain umm.. person, place or thing, and how I came to a conclusion that even though the feelings I had weren't bad, or sinful, that I would give them up. Then they come back. It's fustrating.. I'm wondering if I should just stop pushing these feelings away and just risk it and go for it. The only thing is, that if it proves to umm.. not work out.. then umm.. relations with this said person, place, or thing would probably be weaker than before. And this person, place, or thing is very important to me. Which, I guess, is why I have such feelings for this person, place or thing. Ok.. I'm going to own up to the fact that I am, in fact, talking about a person. I know pretty well that I could live with this person the rest of my life.. I'm not saying I want to get married right away. There's still more to find out. I'd love to pursue something, but at the risk of friendship? That's a tough one. I deeply desire to have a godly woman to be with, and she has encouraged me greatly throughout my life. How do I know what God is saying? I've been praying about this for a while now.. and still no answer. I guess my only choice is to continue praying and wait on God for His answer. It is a great test of patience. But for this subject, waiting is worth it, for sure. I'd wait my whole life to spend even just a year with the one God has for me. I don't not wish it to be that short, but to wait on God would reap greater rewards. I just have to delight in Him. He promises to reward those who wait on Him. I'll do just that.

Hmm...

2005-11-14T07:49:00.000-08:00

Ok, so it's been a while since I've posted anything.. what happened to posting semi-daily on bible verses. Well, I'm a slacker. There's really no excuse for it, cause I've been really lazy in the mornings lately. I got up early today, but took a long shower.. oops. Oh well, on to the good stuff.

I find myself trying to take more joy in situations that I usually do. Being ok with where I'm at in life. I was at a Kurt's house the other day. A bunch of us played HALO until late (not as late as other gamers that I've played with) and then I crashed at his place. The next morning he had to go to a funeral service at church, but I stayed at his place with Justin (him and his wife live with Kurt and his wife) and watched Grace (Kurt's daughter) for a bit. That time really made me look forward to having a family of my own. Grace is soo smart too. She'll just figure things out. She loves peek-a-boo games too. I got some really cute pics of her and Justin in a bounce house inside their house. It was an awesome time. I really look forward to having at least 1 kid. But I can definitely wait. I want to be married for a while before having kids. Enjoy spending time with my wife. Going places. Seeing things. Travel a bit. Hopefully this photography career will take me that direction. I only know the destination in life. God is the one driving, and knows all the stops and turns in my life.
I will be faithful to you and make you mine, and you will finally know me as LORD. Hosea 2:20, NLT

And later in the bible it says:

This is a true saying: If we die with him, we will also live with him. If we endure hardship, we will reign with him. If we deny him, he will deny us. If we are unfaithful, he remains faithful, for he cannot deny himself. 2 Timothy 2:11-13, NLT

It's natural for us to become unfaithful. There's 2 promises that he will always be faithful to me. All the more reason for me to strive to be faithful to Him. Also when I delight in the Lord, completely make my heart His home, then He'll give me the desires of my heart.

Take delight in the Lord, and he will give you your heart's desires. Psalm 37:4

That delight must truly be in the Lord. And when you're delight is truly in the Lord, you'll notice that your heart's desires change from wanted possessions to wanting more of the Spirit. More fruitful experiences in life. You'll desire to be a light in this world. Shining for Christ. It only takes a second to take delight in the Lord. But to live that way, is a completely different story. It's a life pattern weaved by the fabrics of faith and action. I've been working on my life pattern. It's a tough task, but God never said that being a Christian would be an easy task. I'm glad to be where I am in life, and I know God has a plan for it. And he's planted desires deep inside me that someday will come out and will be reality.

Anyway, I gotta jam to work.. I'm probably going to be late!! Oops! God bless!

a little slice of heaven...

2005-11-08T18:06:00.000-08:00

Frozen field in the morning

Ski lifts @ Heavenly

Lake Tahoe

Just a cool looking building on a dock

Taken from the beach south of the boat loading at South Lake Tahoe

Here's the next installment of photos from last weekend!
~Enjoy~

A few Tahoe pics

2005-11-08T13:25:00.000-08:00

This is the sunrise at the summit just before coming down to the lake Zoomed in to catch the redder colors of the sunrise
A white dove and a seagull on the dock in South Lake Tahoe
A flower that happened to be on top of the display at the vista point Field on the way to South Lake Tahoe that was frozen.

I'm so excited to have had a camera to take pictures like these! Please tell me what you think!

Look forward to more pics to be posted!

Deep Waters

2005-11-04T06:07:00.000-08:00

When you go through deep waters and great trouble, I will be with you.
Isaiah 43:2, NLT

When you pass through the waters, I will be with you; and through the rivers, they shall not overwhelm you; when you walk through fire you shall not be burned, and the flame shall not consume you. Isaiah 43:2 NRSV

I'm really glad I subscribed to this KLOVE encouraging word thing. Otherwise I'd probably never get to verses like these. This is supposed to be a comforting verse. But I wonder why he says "deep waters" as opposed to something like "tough times" or something like that. I like the way the second one sounds. But why choose that kind of imagery. Maybe he's just trying to get across the point that no matter what you're going through in life, God is with you and will not let you be overwhelmed. Sounds good. That's about as deep as I can get for now. I'm sure when I think about it more, then more will come to me. At least, I hope so.

Living a Godly Life...

2005-11-03T07:47:00.000-08:00

As we know Jesus better, his divine power gives us everything we need for living a godly life.
2 Peter 1:3, NLT

So, i'm subscribed to KLOVE's Encouraging Word newsletter. If you don't know about it, you can go to KLOVE.com and on the main page you can subscribe. Anyway.. so I think I'm going to start writing on what I read from it somewhat daily. I just think it would be a good habit to get myself into. Usually when I actually do get myself to sit down and read the bible, I don't know where to start, so I just randomly pick somewhere. But that doesn't work very well most of the time. So anyway..

So, this verse is what I need to keep reading over and over. I'm trying to begin to ask questions about the things I read, and not just go, "yea, that makes sense" to everything. So how do you know Jesus better? Well, I think if you're a christian, then that means you're praying, being a witness, showing compassion, and also reading and studying His word. It's alot more than that, yea, but it's a start for now. So, what happens when we spend this time and walk with Jesus to get to know Him more? "His divine power gives us..." Hold on.. Diving Power? What's that? Power granted to Himself as God...? It seems like that's the power God has, because whatever it is, when Jesus came to earth, he set aside his divine power to take the form of a human being, with all its limitations. Okay, so Divine Power is God's Power. God's Power gives us everything we need for living a godly life. Got it. So, I have to be walking with Jesus, because that's how you get to know someone better. Right? Spending time with them, talking (or with God, praying, of course), and learning more about them. So walk with Chist, and live by Christ, and His power will give me all that I need (not want) to live a godly life. So.. what do you think? That's how I came to understand that passage.

Man.. what a great way to start the day.

Beauty in the morning...

2005-11-01T21:03:00.000-08:00

I took this on the way home from a friends house this morning.. I'll let the picture say the rest.

Life Changing

2005-11-01T14:22:00.000-08:00

I guess "Changing Life" would be a better title for this blog. What I have up is more eye catching, I think. I'm really starting to work on changing my life. There's alot of things that I really don't like about myself that I have control over that I'm just to damn lazy to change. (sorry 'bout saying damn, but it's the only word I could think of to really color my fustration with myself. So to any who are offended, my apologies) I'm tired of being okay with my life. I've decided that I want to strive for more than I'm capable. Trust more on God for my wants, dreams, joys, fears, and life. But how do I do that? The first thing, really, should be to focus on my relationship with God. If I'm not spending time with Him, then everything else is pointles.. right? I mean, if I don't have a solid foundation on which to walk, then why go anywhere? I guess that's why I feel like my life isn't moving anywhere. I have aspirations, but untill recently, I haven't done anything to pursure them. Just recently (you'd know if you read my other posts) I purchased a camera so that I can start building on what will eventually build into either a career, or a decent paying hobby. Also I have been, for the most part, consistent with working out. Recently alot of crap has been going on, but I'm getting back on it. Anyway.. gosh, I feel like every time I write here, it's a novel or something. If you're reading this, and you pray, please pray for me. That is always appreciated! Thanks!

The center of pain...

2005-10-31T13:30:00.000-08:00

aight.. so something kinda brought this back into my thoughts again.. what that is, I'm keeping to myself.. but do you know what it's like to have a lot of feelings for someone but because of whatever reason it is, you can't bring those feelings to the surface and actually act on them? To anyone who says that there shouldn't be reasons for that.. there really are, trust me. It's really painful. It's something that has been really testing my patience and I know that life will continue and I will continue to grow in Christ.. but there's still that part of my heart that longs and desires for someone I care alot about, but I cannot be more than friends. If you knew the circumstances, then you'd understand. Being a guy, I don't really like to shed tears.. but the tears I do shed are for the things that truly pull at my heart. Sometimes it's tears of joy, others are tears of pain. This case, it's a little of both.. I think of the person and how much she means to me as who she is, and that moves me. Then I think of the circumstances that stand in the way of having anything more than a friendship. And now from within the dark corner of my mind, my thoughts try to convince me that nothing will come of it, and to give up. But I know.... I know that God loves me.. and I do take delight in Him.. and because of that, he will fulfill his promise, that if I delight in Him, He will give me the desires of my heart. So, I do not trust to hope, but to God. He gives me my strength and allows me to continue each day to bring Him glory.

Okay.. now I've said it, wrote it down.. now to live it out....

Lameness....

2005-10-30T20:23:00.000-08:00

Ok.. first off.. this post isn't intended to offend anyone. so if it does.. well.. get over it.

alright.. i was invited to a party this weekend.. well, actually 2. The first one i was kinda excited to go to cause it was an invitation from a good friend. so when i showed up i was happy to be there and see people i haven't seen in a while. i've been talking to a different friend the other day.. we'll call her Noelle. (i've changed the real names of the people to protect their identity) And we were talking about how some people we know can be fake. The person that invited me, we'll call him Ricky, is in no way fake.. but he was with his date and she had his attention, so i didn't feel like i got to chill with him much, which if fine. the other people that i thought were my friends just seemed to be happy in their own little world, and when i talked to them, to make a longer story not as long, got the short end of a careless conversation. there were 1 or 2 people that were cool and talked for a bit. but everyone else that i thought to be friends.. just seemed to be empty. or at least, showed no interest in the least to share a civilized conversation. So I left early because I really don't like being around plastic people. It's so annoying that people want to socialize skin deep. So anyway, I left this party and went to another party I was invited to, let's call her Katie. She is a christian, and there were a few other christians there, but the majority of the people there were non-christian. I mention this because the kind of attention I got, being a new person, was unreal! I had a pretty awesome costume that a good friend helped out alot with. He'll be named Andrew. So, people were commenting on the costume and the cool sword (the only real one there). And alot of people seemed interested socializing.. and including the new guy in the conversations. I'm just amazed at the interaction difference between a christian group and a non-christian group. I think I see why alot of people don't like church. The college group people are WAAAAY more cliquey. Incredible exclusive. I mean, it's like you gotta win the lottery or something to get in. Or somethin that has slim chances of winning. So, that's been really really fustrating me. Anyway, I just had to get that out. Feel free to tell me what you feel. Like, "you're full of it", or "yea, i know what you mean" or "pickle and peanut butter sandwiches ROCK!" So, yea. If I start acting like that, please please PLEASE slap me out of it. Aight.. I'm out.

Peace

my first picture EVER!!!!!!! ................

2005-10-28T18:33:00.000-07:00

...... with my first digital camera!!!!!!!!!!
I'm sooooo stoked! I'm sooo happy! (yes.. it cost me some $$$) my mom helped me out financially so, that was awesome (early christmas/birthday present). anyway.. out to take more pics!!!!

WOOOT!

Rantings of a lost mind

2005-10-27T12:47:00.000-07:00

Well, my mind may not be lost.. but it sure seems like it sometimes. I know I've said this before, but it really feels good to write crap and mindless chatter in a place where people (hopefully) read it. Usually I'm a shy guy and don't say to much about personal things. But for some reason, when I type on this blog..... I could really care less who reads it. I don't feel censored here. I posted the link to this on my myspace account, but I get the feeling no one reads those too much anyway, so people who actually do get here, either get here by clicking "next blog" and it just happens to come up. Either that or the person reading here actually does care (or at least cares enough to give advice and occasionally sympathise) and comments from the heart, or mind, or whatever drives them to say whatever it is they say. The other thing that's great about this, is that it's somehow easy to write stuff here somewhat regularly which , in turn, cause me to be slightly more literate. Which, being out of school, is definatly a good thing. *sigh*
Anyway, on to other rantings...
One thing I'm extremely excited about is that I'm finally getting a digital camera this weekend!!!! I'm so excited that I can hardly stand it. Other good things is that it's raining. I've heard many people say that rain depresses them. I feel quite different about it. It totally lifts my spirit. Mainly cause I remember having lots of rain as a child living in Washington state. I enjoyed it so much. When I look into my memory and see myself riding my bike in the forest, it seems like a jungle. Some one at some time or another had made some jumps and paths. It was like an adventure every time we (my friends and I) went out riding. I've found that I don't reminisce alot of my past. So I'm trying to do that more. I think it's important to know and remember past experiences, even from when I was a child, to help make me who I am today, and who I will be tomorrow. Thinking about my child life does kind-of make me want to go back and live the life of a carefree child who, occasionally, has chores, but mostly has endless summers and bike gangs (a word that, back then, meant group of kids or people not breaking the law). Ah, the innocence. Of course kids aren't always innocent, but oblivious to the workings of the world and the evils that occasionally cross your path. anyway.. enough of the mindless chatter. Back to work.

So on and so forth...

blah...

2005-10-24T13:38:00.000-07:00

Life seems to be quite dull lately. Has anyone notice this happening in their lives? I know I've been busy with things to do, but why does it seem dull? I know it probably has alot to do with my attitude. As a matter of fact, that would probably be the only factor. Hmm.. interesting.

On a seperate note.
Have you ever found yourself not questioning things in life that you should be? For example, questioning why a certain thing happens, rather than just accepting it. I've made some mistakes recently (what's new..?) but I haven't really questioned why. I would just pick myself up, say "oops" and continue on. Rather than thinking through why said event happened and try to think what I could've done better if it happens again, or what could I learn. I feel like somehow I'm becoming more caliced (sp?). Almost like my heart is being hardened. It's easy to say, "just don't!" But it feels like I need to find out what is causing this to happen before I can "just don't." I can feel it happening, but I don't know how to stop it. I know, I know.. I can pray, and that's great and all, but that doesn't get me to the root of the problem (unless God shows that to me, which he hasn't yet). I know there's been times where God will harden someone's heart for a particular reason. I guess I just hope that it won't lead me to where I'm chasing someone through a parted sea and get swallowed by the collapsing walls of water. I know that I'm not incredibly stubborn and I listen to reason and those who's words I respect and trust. Anyway.. work summons me back to the grind of my monday. I hope the rest of the week won't be as tasteless. Only God knows..

Life's Fustrations...

2005-10-19T11:57:00.000-07:00

Aight.. so, I'm going through alot more fustrations in life than normal.. but to know what I'm talking about I need to establish "normal". Normal would include disagreement with my brother slightly more than once in a week. An average of 5-6 times a month. That's normal. And on the good side of that establishment, things are below normal. We haven't fought in at least a week. I'm glad that was the first thing to come to my mind, because it's not a negative, unlike everything else. Normal would also include being upset with management at my work for things that actually do matter (not that what is happening now doesn't.. just keep reading). Just that normal is that it happens once a month or so. Normal also includes a regular interaction with friends and such. A couple times a week or so. Normal is getting spiritually fed through a few different sources in a week's time (i.e. Church, Studies, Small Groups, Fellowship etc...) including reading my bible at least 3-4 solid times a week (I'm working on pushing that number up, so relax). So, there's a slight sense of what I would consider to be normal for my life. Here are the stipulations going on to disrupt this feeling of "normality". Lots of problems at work; boss getting on my case about things completely out of my control, getting upset when I'm "not doing my job" when I'm out of their vision helping someone on the computers (which, in turn, is my job). Also I have a quasi-manager that works with me in our "self service" department, and she likes to make it seem like the store manager or project manager wants things to happen a certain way (i.e. My quasi-manager comes in at 7:00am, and myself at 8:30am. Today there was a meeting including all of the managers and assistant managers, excluding her. Her usual lunch time is at 12:30pm and mine at 1pm. Since the meeting was from 12:45pm to 4pm we had to take our lunches early. Now don't get me wrong, I don't really care about taking lunch early, but it really bothers me when she tells me that the bosses [store manager and project manager] said that I need to go first, and her after me. I said that it didn't make any sense and went to talk to them about it, and they said, "oh, that's {quasi-manager's name here}'s call. So she made it seem that they had some wierd reason for me to go first, when she just didn't want to go to lunch 15 minutes earlier. Sneaky....). That and she tells me not to help the front counter 'cause sometimes it will get busy in self serve, and I'll get caught up in a detailed order. But she won't hesitate to do the same. Anyway.. so plenty of things have been setting me off at work. That and the fact that I don't have a job that is career aimed. So some of my overall fustration lies in myself. I can be stubbornly lazy sometimes. I say "stubbornly" because I know that I intend to be lazy, but I do nothing to change it. I realize that I have control over my attitude and actions, but sometimes it get's so c0tton-pickin' hard! So.. take all that, add in the whole deal with my car.. (I don't feel like typing that whole story in this blog.. if you're curious, then ask me and I might tell you about it), add the fact that I'm 22 and don't live on my own still weighs on my mind. Also that I haven't touched college and really want to learn a couple different programs that would help me get the knowlege I'd need to start to make a move toward a career minded job. *sigh* Well, this banter has lasted long enough for one post... Good Evening...

Finally, my own real blog...

2005-10-17T19:08:00.000-07:00

So, i've been wanting to get back into the intelectual side of the internet.. meaning blogging where my intelectual friends blog. i told a friend of mine today that i feel like i've been losing intellect because of my non-existent mindful chats and conversations. i'm hoping to fulfill that here... we'll see how it goes, i guess.